Being a Woman
Not to worry, I’m not about to wax eloquent on the amazing stories or the technical brilliance or even the excellent emoting we get to see on the silver
screen. I love movies but I’m not crazy about them. I’m more enamoured by certain unnoticed aspects of films. For instance, when the main protagonists are having a conversation, I like to look at the faces of the onlookers or the beautiful cushions strewn around or the cute lil plants in cute lil pots in the background. Ok, before you call in the men in white coats, gimme a chance to explain .
They never eat ! – As some of you might have noticed in earlier posts, I have a love-hate relationship with food. (I love the blessed thing but I hate the effect it has on me !). I pay a lot of attention to movie scenes which feature food . It all looks so good on screen and even a loaf of bread is touched with glamour. What I love about the food scenes is that nobody seems to eat ! So everybody remains slim in the land of movies. The table would be groaning with all kinds of delicious looking stuff and everybody would be around the dining table ready to dig in, when suddenly an argument erupts and somebody or the other storms off. Finished. There’s ranting and raving and all the food is ignored. It breaks my heart ! In Indian movies, irrespective of language, a food scene will usually have somebody pushing the plate away in anger and storming off. The repercussions are the same though, the delicious looking food is ignored. As a corollary to this thought, I always wonder who actually gets to eat this food. After the scene is filmed would the actors sit around eating it or do the technicians pounce ravenously on it ? I wish there was the post of ‘food terminator ‘ in film crews or wait a minute, it could also be called ‘gastronome de cinema’ for something more high-sounding. Anyway, no eating equals slim beings !
Beautiful Tears – Have you seen ladies crying in films ? The beautiful pool-like eyes well up and there’s a shimmer of tears. Have you seen people cry in real life? It’s not often a sight for sore eyes. When I cry, the welling up never happens; I suddenly find a huge deluge pouring out. I want my eyes to look like limpid pools and not like a river in flood ! Moreover all this water works gets my nose blocked and I end up sounding like a trumpet ! I find the crying in movies aesthetically very pleasing and someday I hope to have the damn tears slowly well up instead of being in a hurry to get out as if they’re going to be late for a party !
Tubs of Icecream – When beautiful girls on the silver screen are sad and depressed, they dig in their spoons into tubs of ice-cream. Wonderful activity, one which has my wholehearted approval. However my friends, why do they never finish the contents of the tub ? The heroine in tears completely neglects the ice-cream . I wish I could do that . My body would be in a much better place if I could follow this PoA. When we are feeling sad, take out tub of ice cream, insert spoon into it and then, forget about it. I wish, I wish ! If I ever dared to dig into icecream during times of stress, the tub would be begging for mercy by the time I was through.
Weight Loss and a song – Have you noticed the romcoms which have a makeover of the heroine involved ? She starts out resembling a small hairy army tank and ends up looking like a particularly beautiful blade of grass. The best part is that all this happens in the time frame of one song. The song finishes playing and voila, the grass is swaying in the wind ! I really really wish I could enrol in a similar weight loss program. Play song, lose weight and end up looking fabulous.
Morning Avatar – When I get up in the morning, I try to avoid looking in the mirror cos I just might scare myself. The hair which I tie up neatly before going to bed goes askew and tilts precariously to one side which makes me look like a drunken samurai. Puffer fishes would vie for my company on seeing my face. But in movies, the heroine looks practically edible when she wakes up. Her hair is artfully mussed like beautiful whipped cream ( food again !) and her clothes look soft and warm. In the mornings, on certain days, I look like I stepped out of a tumble dryer. So movie folks in mornings are definitely a treat to watch 🙂
Fluttering curtains – Oh how I love to see beautiful fluttering sheer curtains dancing in the breeze. It makes me very happy and lighthearted. An attempt to replicate the mood set by these curtains made me realise how irritating it is if ever we have to sit in the path of these flying pieces of cloth. They just engulf us in their depths and we have to fight our way out. The amount of dust these things trap is no joke ! So henceforth curtains can flutter away to their hearts content but only in films. And I’ll watch and enjoy their beauty without any threat of being manhandled and strangulated !
There’s no stopping me when I’m on this topic. Wouldn’t want all of you to die of boredom, so this post has to come to and end. Just one more thought, have you seen Meg Ryan when she’s down with a cold in You’ve Got Mail ? I don’t think I’ve looked so adorable even as a child. Would we look just as attractive in such a situation ? Nah ! When I catch a cold I look like Rudolph (the reindeer of course ) and sound like a distressed Trumpet Swan. Any wonder that I love the movies ?