Being a Woman
What is big, squishy (as in comfortably squishy and not surface-of-an-octopus squishy), comfortable and attractive ? I’m sorry but it’s not your favourite aunt, it’s me Le Sofa ! A single seater to be more precise . This is my attempt to chronicle my journey from a furniture store to a house. In my early days, I was comfortably ensconced in a beautiful furniture emporium, lounging around in the company of various other four-legged kith and kin of mine. The ambience was soothing and other than the owner’s atrocious taste in music, life was comfortable. I have a twin who is pesky and irritating with his insane desire to be with a family. Before long, Pesky Twin’s prayers were answered and we were bundled up and transported around like pieces of furniture. Don’t these people know that we too have feelings ? Louts ! We were deposited in an apartment which looked bright and airy. But I was not going to be placated so easily and I had already decided to hate the place. Needless to say, Pesky was in heaven. He would be part of a family, getting a ringside view of all the inside stuff. He very nearly displaced a spring in his enthusiasm ! I merely looked down my well-upholstered arm at him. But there was no stopping his eagerness.
Thankfully we were placed face to face, with a low table between us. I spied a comfy-looking couch on one side and a television on the wall. At least I could watch a couple of soaps to kill time if I got too bored. Come evening, the family trooped in after their various daily pursuits. A quick headcount showed 4 pax (pax sounds so much more exciting than the ordinary ‘person’); parents and two daughters. Oh No ! I can see a teenager ! Not something I’m looking forward to, after all the horror stories I’ve heard about them from the battered sofas who used to come to our store for some R &R, re-upholstering and recuperation. Before I could ruminate any further on my misfortune, the teen plonked down on me. Hasn’t anyone taught this teenage individual to sit like a lady instead of jumping on me like a hooligan ? Pesky Twin got the lil one, around ten years of age, who seemed to be all arms and legs, with the biggest pair of eyes I’ve ever seen. I was slightly mollified when the teen commented on how comfortable I was. Well, a word or two about my dapper appearance would also have been welcome. Well, you can’t have everything can you ?
The first few days were extremely traumatic and if my four little legs were not disproportionate to my huge body, I would have run away. To my utter horror, the teenager took a liking to me which resulted in me being used almost solely by her. The biggest problem was her approach to the whole issue of sitting. The child would be ideally suited for tracking wild animals since she’s as quite as a mouse when it comes to walking around the house, not giving me any warning of her presence. I would suddenly see a sudden blur somewhere in the vicinity and an enormous jolt would shake my springs out of their sockets. That would be the teen taking a flying leap from miles away and landing on poor me. The attacks were always from different directions, some frontal and some from the sides. I did try to make her uncomfortable by strategically placing a couple of my springs here and there. She didn’t show any discomfort and I sadly realized that teenagers are very thick skinned, . The only saving grace of this individual was that once she landed on me she would become completely motionless. Not a muscle moved other than the occasional blink of the eyes if watching television or the slow movement of fingers and head if reading a book. I’m certain that the teen would be a valuable addition to the sloth community.
Pesky Twin too didn’t have it much easier, though his problem was diametrically opposite to what I was going through. He has a tendency to drop off from time to time and his naps are sacred. While he indulged in his favourite pastime the lil one would float along and settle on him. She was a gentle thing lost in a world of her own, who had the unfortunate tendency of drifting off to sleep whenever she curled up to watch television. Pesky, unaware of this, would open his eyes from a a sound nap to find a silent form draped over him in the most unimaginable tangle of limbs. I took great pleasure in watching him nearly jump out of his upholstery in these instances 🙂
A couple of months have passed since we moved in and it has been really an eye-opener for me. I realise that I really like being here. I have learnt to enjoy wild music with the teen. I’m gradually starting to appreciate television programs on apparently boring subjects like cars and buildings, thanks to the gentleman in this house. Gradually is the important word there. I love to watch the lady bawling her eyes out watching mushy movies, and yes I grudgingly admit, those movies are entertaining. It’s a pleasure to watch the lil one’s eyes light up when she watches cookery shows. Getting to see Nigella is of course one of the benefits !
In short, life is fun. I’d never thought that I’d enjoy ‘Fun’, but now I’m a big fan. I love the moments when the whole family, which now includes Pesky and me, gather around and share the days events and happenings. There’s a lot of laughter, like great sheets of happiness billowing in the wind. I love my teen and feel a special closeness with her. I have to hold down a smile when she’s mischievous and playful. It’s great fun to see her troubling her mother. The poor lady shouts herself hoarse trying to get my teen’s attention, who acts blissfully engrossed in a book. But by a slight tensing of her body, I know that she has heard her mom but is too lazy to get up. It’s truly amazing to see the alacrity with which she answers a call from her father though ! The mom tries from time to time, to smother Pesky and me with countless cushions. The children unhesitatingly throw them onto the unfortunate couch and rescue us. I’m happy that Pesky is also enjoying it here. I sometimes catch him sighing in contentment when nobody is around. He has even altered himself slightly by smoothing down an edge to accommodate the lil ones head, which falls onto it when she sleeps. He’s also become a huge fan of Disney movies !
I’d always dreamt of residing in a quiet, sedate household. My first couple of weeks here were certainly turbulent, but now I can’t imagine being anywhere else. Here, I’m not merely an onlooker; I’m a part of their lives and I can unhesitatingly say, ‘I’ve come home’…….