Being a Woman
(Last week, lots of things went wrong for me on the same day, and it happened to be a Monday. I ranted and raved on the unfairness of life in general and the horribleness of Monday in particular. Later after my temper had subsided and I had returned to human form, I was struck by how unfair I had been by blaming poor Monday for my ineptitude. Then my thoughts veered towards the universally hated Monday, the day that everybody likes to dislike, the day that has the most number of negative mentions on social media. So I put myself in Monday’s shoes and thought about his life. This is Monday’s Lament about his unappreciated life.)
“I’m Monday, the most reviled day of the week. Who doesn’t like to hate me ? You ask a tiny tot this question and I’m sure he’ll tell you in an adorable lisp that he ’hathes’ Mondays. Stop an office goer and ask this question, but at your own risk cos I’ve found that the office going category have an inordinate amount of hatred towards me. In fact I think that some groups have even despatched death squads against me. Office goers and school going children top the list of my adversaries. I had a close call with the latter category where I thought that the child in question, if you can call a blood thirsty lil bandit a child, would cause me bodily harm. His angry diatribe involved unsympathetic teachers, incomplete homework, parents being called to school and of course his desire to feed me to the crocodiles. I beat a hasty retreat from this violent tyke and took refuge in the teachers’ room. Imagine my surprise when I heard a bleary eyed teacher vehemently proposing a motion to officially erase me from all calendars. I wanted to ask him how he would feel if he’s evicted from his house for no reason !
On my way back home from my morning rounds, I sat down on a moss covered wall far from prying eyes, and ruminated on my life. Imagine occupying prime position on the list of most hated villains in history and that too for no fault of yours. I’m sure Genghis Khan’s name would be mentioned much below mine ! Actually I admit that I too hold a certain amount of affection for dear Genghis. After all he has not done as much harm to me as the true villain of my life. Yes, my arch nemesis, my tormentor, is none other than the much loved Sunday ! The lazy chap has so much love coming his way that he’s in danger of replacing Cupid as the official representative of Love. He was lucky enough to be born a day earlier than me, and just because of this dastardly deed by Fate, he is loved and I’m not. Everybody worships the ground he walks on. People look forward to the weekend so that they can see him. I ask you, why does Sunday have to be a fun day and Monday a rainy day ? If it pours on Sunday, everybody smiles, but even a slight drizzle on a Monday gets everybody so worked up. I try to lead my life quietly and peacefully without getting in anybody’s way, yet if anything goes wrong anywhere, the blame is unquestioningly placed at my door. Think of a scenario where your boss shouts at you on a Wednesday. Will you say ‘I hate Wednesdays’ ? No, you wont. You just create a lot of murderous scenarios in your mind with your boss in a starring role. Now if the same thing happens on a Monday, the same murderous scenarios will involve only me, and your boss might not even be given a supporting role. The language used against me is so colourful at times that it would make even poor Genghis blush.
At home we always say that Friday, Saturday and Sunday are the blessed guys while the rest are more or less overlooked. Friday is one of the youngest and recently he had the gall to boast that no one would ever say TGIM (Thank God It’s Monday) while the whole world chants TGIF(Thank God It’s Friday). At the time I merely ignored him because I find that I fail miserably when it comes to witty retorts. The few that I manage to come up with sound deadly in my mind but end up sounding quite pathetic when I say it aloud. So these days I’m trying to come up with a slightly superior smile designed to make the other person shrivel in shame. Unfortunately I seem to be doing the entire shriveling, cos my smile looks sickly rather than superior. Anyway coming back to TGIM, I personally feel that it sounds marvelous. Thank God It’s Monday has such a warm ring to it. It conjures up images of new beginnings, new opportunities and a chance to start afresh; a chance to correct the mistakes and misunderstandings of the bygone week. Who wouldn’t want a fresh start ? Well, going by my track record, not even an ant would want to start anything on Mondays.
There’s a small ray of hope for me in this bleak scenario. I have discovered a small niche fan base of mine, the homemakers. They like me ! Just today morning I heard one of them sitting with a cup of coffee on her balcony with a friend, and discussing how much she loves Mondays. My heart almost stopped ticking for a second ! Such was my shock to hear somebody actually praising me. She bemoaned how she disliked Sundays, since her entire routine was disturbed on that day. Everybody would be at home expecting the grandest of meals and nobody bothering to help. But on Monday, the spouse and children get on with life and she could get on with life and get some peace and quiet in the bargain. I’m sure she would be a prime supporter for my TGIM campaign. When I feel despondent and sad, my siblings Tue, Wed and Thu console me by saying that at least people speak of me while hardly anyone notices them. They’re so supportive and kind. Of course I also have the option of vacationing in the warm Gulf countries where I’m not so hated.
With that happy thought, I got off my mossy wall and went back home where Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday would be waiting for me. They know what a harrowing time I have when I venture out and have to hear people talking ill of me. I let myself in and found all three of them ensconced in the living room reading the news and nursing cups of tea. I sank down into my favourite armchair and realized that I was not feeling as depressed as usual. Somebody likes me too, they wait for me to arrive and enjoy my presence. I reached out for a cup of tea and a piece of cake. As I bit down into the warm moist carrot cake, I felt happy.