My resolutions in the previous year were on slightly serious issues. This year I have decided to stick close to home and bring some order into my life. These resolutions have been taken after a lot of thought and consideration. (The one regarding cockroaches is of crucial importance since it can contribute significantly to my mental peace and sanity.) Here goes.
- Try not to sing while walking on the road. It makes people uneasy. Uneasy people stare. People who stare in turn make me uneasy. Hence.
- Treat Coffee with the utmost respect. It’s the only thing keeping me upright early in the morning.
- Try harder to convince self that Vegetables are friends. Do not treat them like carriers of Bubonic plague who have to be avoided at all costs.
- As a corollary to the previous observation, – potato is not exactly the only inhabitant of the Vegetable kingdom. Look around and get acquainted with the other guys too.
- Adopting a horizontal position and thinking of going for a walk cannot be considered as any kind of exercise. So, get out of the house, put one foot in front of the other and cover a distance from Point A to Point B. Do not forget to get back to Point A.
- Be more creative while coming up with excuses not to go for a walk.
- People who do not use book-marks are not criminals. Stop glaring at them. Lecturing them further might result in acts of violence against myself. So desist.
- Eating chocolates in stealth mode to avoid detection by the rest of the family is a wise course of action. However in future, when family members, especially suspicious offspring, make a sudden entrance into the kitchen, remember to extricate head from within the refrigerator before hastily closing the door.
- While offspring are around, try to read the headlines in the newspaper, instead of heading straight for the cartoon strip. Do not worry about hurting the feelings of Hagar the Horrible. He will wait, but gimlet-eyed offspring will not hesitate to enquire in very loud tones why mom is reading only the cartoon strip. To be avoided at all costs!
- While new dresses are being tried on in Trial rooms, do not get too ambitious. Clothes are vicious creatures that can smell your desperation. They seem to become tighter after being worn, rendering it an almost impossible feat to get out of. Children or friends should be kept on stand-by for rescue operations if such calisthenics are undertaken.
- Cockroaches are multiple times smaller than human beings. Recite this daily a couple of dozen times. This might help to combat the complete madness that happens when confronted by a member of this species. Create a foolproof escape plan for such occasions. Jumping all around the creature and shouting at the top of my voice only results in maniacal laughter by the entire family and a bemused shrug from the cockroach.
From past experience, I have come to the comforting conclusion that Resolutions are quite gentle-hearted and do not mind being shunted to the next year. Point to be kept in mind while communing with cockroaches !